Around my house D and I joke back and forth about who is in charge. I say he is and he says I am...of course he says I'm a bully...Anyway, lately, my brain is just jumbled. I cannot seem to find my chi, my Zen, my center. I feel very unsettled lately. Maybe is the season change...maybe it is the holiday season coming up...maybe it's my age, I don't know, I just know I can't center myself.
I feel like so many things are out of balance and that so many things are out of control. I need some peace...and I can't find it.
I would love to find one thing that I could get undercontrol and then go from there. It's like there is so much that I need to do that I can't get anything done because I am so overwhelmed that I can't find a place to start. This is totally ironic...my SIL became a "dislocated worker" this year and at 50ish went back to college for an accounting degree. She really has been very anxious and upset because she was panicing looking at the big picture and becoming overwhelmed with the whole process. I would call, she would talk about the panic and I would tell her to stop looking at the whole and focus on the steps. To look at it one step at a time. Don't think about the total of what you have to do. Focus on what is at hand...yeah...I know take your own advice.
I guess that the advice worked for her, that and several hours of accounting tutoring, I have been doing accounting work for the last 20 plus years, she got a 99% on her big project and has been working with a group at her college to get past the freezing when testing and is doing really well. Of course her confronting her 4th year professor, yeah Ph. d. and no teaching skills, and now he is helping her too and has changed some of his teaching stratagies for the better. I am sure that like everything else, teaching has a large learning curve. Everyone benefitted. That is really good.
I find that I am torn in life. I have issues in my past and childhood that make me want to make everyone happy and I tend to naturally take care of everyone...everyone but me. I feel really selfish when I want to do things just for me, but somedays...somedays I really just want a chaise lounge, a vodca and tonic, a good book, my iPhone/iPod and ear buds, some knitting and a day...just a day.
Oh well...maybe if I show my dragons the "Candle Flame Stole" pattern...I have a beautiful "Passion Fruit" silk laceweight by "Claudia"...maybe that will tempt them....
Don't be so stressed. The world is never as bad as it really seems to be. Sure there is stress, anxiety, and of course that lovely overwhelming mass we call the world; but just remember you've got something that most don't. You have the ability to live, to love, and to raise some pretty amazing children (if I do say so myself). I mean who else has a four year old that can talk about presidents and solar systems? You are amazing; don't ever forget it.
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