Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My Aura and Other Things

This morning I was watching an old episode of a travel show and the hosts "aura" was brought up. She sat in a chair and things were done and a photo of her aura was taken. Fortunately, her aura was all rainbows, a very good place.

I am pretty sure that my aura at this moment in life is NOT a rainbow. I would lean very toward a very black aura. I have been very blue and working on trying to get out of being blue. I don't want to take medication for this because I don't understand how a serotonin blocker works, especially when serotonin is what is supposed to make us feel happy. I also don't like the fact that you can't just stop taking it. You see, I have taken such meds before and all that has happened is either I'm a zombie or I feel worse.

I know why I'm blue. I'm 40, morbidly obese, I ache (due to the obesity issue) and unemployed. I realize that in the grand scheme of things, these are not that big of an issue. People all over the world have it much, much worse than I do...I feel somewhat selfish by "voicing" my blueness, but I need to get it out. To purge myself of the blueness in a sense.

40, well this is out of my control. I'll reconcile this.

Unemployed, with the job market so flooded with people looking for a job, it's a horrible thing trying to find a job. R my daughter has suggested that I start and etsy shop, and I may. I need to get something out on Craigslist about teaching knitting, crocheting, sewing ect...Needless to say the job hunt continues...

Morbidly obese...such an ugly term...Morbidly obese...hmmm...this one, this is in my control. I am proud to say that I have been drinking more water. I have a terrible addiction to soda and I would really rather drink soda as anything else. I have been drinking a non-calorie soda, but I really thing that in the volume that I have a habit of drinking it, the artificial sweetener in it is causing part of the aching that I am experiencing. I need to start weening myself off of soda. Seriously, I imagine the CFO of a certain red and white soda company panicking at the thought of me cutting back on my soda intake, tee!

I need to try some of the carbonated waters on the market and see if they take care of the addiction. I also need to pull out the sun tea jar. Combat the soda with unsweetened ice tea with either lemon or lime.

I have been doing some exercise. Big plus...I am in hope that using the joints that ache will make them not ache quite so bad...or something else will hurt and I won't notice it. I have been working in my flower beds, my mail man approves. It's really comical to see this huge woman out in the yard, floppy hat, long sleeves, gloves, a wagon for the waste to take to my compost pile sitting on a stool working in a flower bed...Glad I can add humor to someones day.

I am going to "audition" the space I'm going to turn into my tomato bed. Basically, I'm going to go lay wet newspaper over the grass and weight them down to kill the grass so it's easier to get up. Then the fun begins! Digging, double digging and getting a nice loose soil created to plant my tomatoes. 6 plants, I have hope!!

I have been knitting. Crazy Train is coming along nicely. I am on the blue central motif and really enjoying the knit. It's moving along quickly and it's really a lot of fun showing it to people and seeing the look of confusion when you explain it's going to be a baby blanket...right's a tube. :)

Once I complete the knitting the pattern calls for you to steek the whole thing and add a backing.

As I have never steeked anything, I am terrified, but in a really good roller coaster ride kind of way. I will post pictures. I have hopes of having this completed by mid May. I have remarkably been quite faithful to this project. Mind you, I do have a whopping 27 other things really, 27...I counted. Hmmm...maybe I should list them for all to see! Maybe that would motivate me to finish up a few things.

Of course though, I sorted a few boxes of my stash the other day and discovered a shawl pattern that I now have and overwhelming urge to start. I have the yarn in stash! I have the needles! I wouldn't have to buy anything!!! Of course, casting on 992 stitches...bit of a hmmmmm moment.  Got to think about this for a minute.

S and I have been playing with the ball winder that D got me for my birthday. Lots of fun! S also started a new scarf of her own design...I am so proud of her!

I am still spinning the orange that I have been working on for what seems like a lifetime, this isn't helped by the fact that I have two new bags of roving I want to spin...

Well, I have dishes to do, clothes to wash and a tomato bed to create...

Not to mention dragons to tend...TTFN

Friday, April 1, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Well, it's here...the big 4-0...I'm not quite reconciled to being 40. I just don't know if I like the idea of being 40...If I live to be 80, which in my DNA pool people live well into and past 80...still living independently, I am middle aged!!!! If I live to 90 I'm almost middle aged!!!! Somewhat of a sobering thought.

I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how I got back to basically square one and 40 at the same time...I'm sure I will figure it out eventually.

Like I've said before the "0"'s and the "5"'s are hard for me. It's like these are the times that I tend to get really thoughtful and start looking back and also looking forward. Something like New Year's for most people.

There are things in my life that HAVE to change. I'm all of 5 feet tall and 300 lbs. This, this is one of the things that must change. I don't want to be old and fat and not able to walk because I can't support my weight. That frightens me. I drink GALLONS of soda. The bulk of it is Coke Zero, but still. This is something the must change. I have to find a job. This one thing is paramount. I HAVE to find a job. I am hopeful that the economy is getting better and that I will be able to find a job, but who knows. My SIL R was out of work for 2 years. That frightens me. Fortunately, she starts work on Monday. Very happy for her.

In the month of April, I would like to start making some of the changes that have to be made. I have a physical on April 11 with a full blood panel set of results waiting to be addressed and see just how much change is really needed. I'm sure the list will be long.

I am going to make the effort to drink more water and unsweetened tea than soda pop this month. I know it won't be perfect, but I am going to up my water intake this month. What is it? 28 days to make or break a habit...time will tell.

On a different note...Wednesday when I finally got to my knitting group, my wonderful friend N and her daughters S & L had decided to give me a birthday party. Complete with cupcakes, chocolate, yellow and my all time, level best velvet with cream cheese icing! I was so thrilled that they think enough of me to do this.  Not only was there cupcakes...there were gifts!!

N and B, her husband, took a trip that in the grand scheme included a stop at Mitchell, NE and the
Brown Sheep facility!! I was so excited that she go to go and so incredibly jealous when she called while she was there.  I see a road trip in the future.

I had asked for 2 skeins of 
Brown Sheep's new lace weight yarn, which I might add is incredible.

I was very shocked when I was handed the bag containing the 2 skeins of lace weight in blue, my favorite color, and the bag of roving. When I asked what I owed her, she looked at me and smiled and said "Happy Birthday!"
I was so touched and tickled. She is a very good friend and I love her and her girls dearly.              
So far this morning has been pretty good. My SIL R has texted me to wish me a Happy Birthday. Of course D and S have wished me a Happy Birthday. I have even received a call from my step-mother wishing me a Happy Birthday. DS, some of our extended family, wished me Happy Birthday, so it's a good day so far. 

S just came and told me to check my email as I have a surprise waiting. So yes, good day so far. 

I think that I am going to lay down and take a nap. I'm going to knit and spin with no guilt today for the things that I should be doing. I may even take a lllooonnnnggggg hot shower instead of the normally utilitarian shower of 5 -10 minutes I usually do...

Who knows...maybe I will even embrace being 40...