Lately

Long time no post...Life has been chaos...Dragons have been really restless.

We have recently had some very major changes to our household...big changes...changes that affect pretty much everything. Some of the changes make me sad...some scare me...alot...others...well I just don't know about yet.

My daughter R is graduating in about a month and a half...I can't begin to tell you how this affects me. I am so proud of her. She is an incredible young woman. She and I have been through a lot together...there was a time I was honestly scared of how she was going to turn out. I am so proud of how she has. She will be Valedictorian of her graduating class, accepted to the U of A on a 6-semester transcript to the Honors College with no restrictions. So proud.

On the flip side...she is moving out.

I will miss her more than I care to admit even to myself.

My other daughter S has been having some problems for the last couple of years. We aren't really sure of what has caused these problems...but...it is a problem. We had been able to deal with the problem because it had remained pretty private and isolated...then in one minute it was no longer private.

S had a seizure at school.

A horrible thing for anyone, but for her it was almost paralyzing...not in a physical sense thank God, but in a daily life way. S doesn't deal well with peer pressure or with teasing. She is a tender child. There were issues from very early in her childhood, these are private. The "seizures" are not true seizures, for this we are more than thankful. These are pschyogenetic non-epileptic seizures. Basically, trauma is working its way from her.  D went through a similar thing as a teen and grew out of them. We really hope she will soon. Helpless is not being able to fix a problem one of your children has.

Because of this becoming public, and other circumstances...we have chosen to homeschool her. We also had to get her insurance. Neither or our works has an insurance plan we can afford, and from what we have been told, they wouldn't cover this problem as it would be "pre-existing". The only thing that we can do is to get her on ARkids. With the economy, states have made cuts. To meet the income D has had to take a $500 cut in pay every month.

We didn't loose the payments that the $500 went to. We are acquiring a new payment to the tune of about $300 a month.  D can't make more money and keep ARkids.

That puts it on me...I'm concerned...outright worried...honestly...I'm scared.

I am sure that he realizes this, but no one seems to realize we can't spend. I wake up at night short of breath and panicing. I don't know what to do.

Everything feels so out of control right now...and it makes me crazy. Literally.

I really need some control...

My dragons are large and many...and they are roaring and breathing fire....