Almost 2012

December 29, 2011

As I have stated before, I am going to be making some changes this year. I have decided to go public, as public as this blog is, with my struggles with my weight.

I am 5 feet tall and almost 41 years old. I would say that it was time to make some changes.

On January 1, 2012, how cliché is it to start on the New Year, I will post a picture of myself, my weight and measurements. This is not something that I do lightly. It is something that I am sure I am not the only one out there that needs to do this.

I am taking inspiration from Crazy Aunt Purl on this one.

It is not going to be easy…or fun. It is going to be hard and heart wrenching and embarrassing.

I am not doing this for pats on the back. I would really appreciate any negative comments, if any, to be kept to one’s self.  

I would love to join Weight Watcher’s but being unemployed, I can’t afford it. This is my answer to that problem. I will blog.

I am going to try to post several times a week, I would love to post daily, but life happens.

I will fill in more information in the next couple of days.

As always I will be showing knitting progress and projects and basic stuff.

I don’t know if anyone even really reads this so, let’s see what the year brings.

Must tend the dragons…TTFN

Christmas 2011

I truly hope that everyone out there had a really Merry Christmas. I hope that families were together and that family feuding was at a minimum.

The crew here at the Dragon barn are well and had a good Christmas. The kids were happy. The family well behaved, the adults.

As I get closer to New Years I am going to try to post more often. I am going to be making some very real changes here this year...changes in health, life and spirit.

Take care and hang on.

TTFN

3.25

Just a quickie this morning...

I pulled out my first semester of college with a 3.25!

I am totally excited about this.

I hope to do better next semester.  Please wish me luck.

I will be posting knitting pictures after Christmas as there are a few gift knits that I want to keep a surprise.

TTFN...

Year End and Year Beginning

Sorry for the long radio silence. Life has been crazy. School coming to a close and finals...OMG!!! Finals! After being out of school for 20+ years I have to say that I wasn't quite ready for just how much work school was going to be or for finals.

I can't believe that after a year that I am still unemployed. That has been really hard. I feel like my self worth has lowered because I don't get up every morning and go to a job. I mean, I do home school, but even with that I have fallen behind trying to keep up...if that makes any sense. I take care of my children, but I notice that I am not as patient as I should be because of how I feel. Of course, I am getting to that time in life when the change is looming on the horizon...

I really never planned on being out of work for a year. Of course, with the exception of people on Wall Street and the government, I don't think any of us expected the economy to tank this hard. It's Christmas time and I feel bad because I don't have the money to do the things I would like to for my kids or for D...and that breaks my heart.

Of course all of these things compound and grow and compound and grow...

I don't like the place that I am right now...my weight, my attitude...life in general. I am discontent and restless. I am sure that these things have to do with the fact that I have been unemployed for a year...it's a vicious cycle.

I am going to make some changes in January. Start out fresh...so cliche.

I think that I am going to take a page out of "Crazy Aunt Purl's" book and do a monthly check in...maybe more often. I have plans to take something very personal very public...well as public as this blog is...

For all of you our there coming for knitting content...I will have some to post soon. I am doing a couple of commission pieces and I will have the second done tonight/tomorrow morning and will post pics then.

You know the funny thing about tending to the dragons...it's a lot like herding cats sometimes.

Discontent

So sorry for the radio silence. Life and school have both been kicking my butt.  I had to accept that English Comp I and I did not have a winning relationship. I will be taking it next semester to offer more time and such to it. 

I have to say that Comp I was really a challenge and I think that if I had the opportunity to take it in a classroom I would find it easier. On line you are required to read everyones posts and respond to a minimum of three with 5 lines minimum response. It was very time consuming considering when you posted for the week it was usually 15 - 18 lines. I really have to say that I wasn't expecting it to be that time consuming. My bad.

There has been knitting, but not a lot, see reference to school kicking my butt.

Has anyone else out there had problems adjusting to the time change? I just can't seem to get my sleep regulated.

I am excited to say that I was approached by the wonderful women from Mockingbird Moon last week and was asked to work as the "Knit Dr." on Saturdays from 12:30 pm to 3:30 pm. I will do my very best to live up to the name. I was humbled and honored.

Fair warning that there are no pictures and I am kind of blue so if you want to stop reading, now would be the time.

I find that I am really discontent these days. I can't seem to get focused or settled and I am just really not very happy right now. I don't know if it has to do with the weather, with my age, with the coming on of the change or what. I just know that I am not in a good place right now. I just want to survive the holidays and then make some major changes in my life.

Gotta go tend the dragons, they are close to breaking their chains...TTFN

MyMemories...Of Childhood and a Giveaway!!!!

Hello Readers!! 

At least I hope that there are readers...

Sorry for the delay, school, life and everything else is still running full tilt and I seem to be on the side line trying to find a place to grab hold and get caught up.

My kitchen reminds me of childhood right now. Over the last three weeks I have been putting up peaches, peach butter and peach preserves...a faint fragrance of peach comes off me right now...but the jars sure are pretty in my cupboard, and will be really nice this winter.

I have been on a bit of a knitting hiatus, I just really don't know what I want to knit right now...some times, when I finish something I get kind of lost trying to figure out what to knit next. I have been working on "Off The Deep End" though. I have joined it in the round and I think I even did it without twisting! I am actually on row three of the lace pattern and I am happy to report that so far the cast on and the joining in the round is the worst of it. The lace pattern has been very friendly so far.


I have also started the "Skinner" hat. I am doing it in an old colorway from Sundara Yarn called Aurora Borialis, it is almost a blue/black with little points of light here and there. I am just on the ribbing right now on size US 1 dpns. I am looking for my US 2 lace addis for the body. I put them up so I would know where they were...I may never see them again.

School is kicking my butt, ok, algebra is kicking my butt. I have faith though. I will be successful, I have no other choice but to succeed.

Now!!!! There has been much excitement here at the dragon barn! I was approached by a company called "My Memories" to do a giveaway of their scrap booking software. I have played with it and it is really very easy to use and, keep in mind I don't usually scrapbook, I could see where this is going to become very addictive. In just a few minutes I was able to put together four album pages using a template and my own pictures.

Don't be put off by my color choices. There are tons of different styles, textures, patterns and add ons. You can use a template or create your own. It is really fun.

This software is really very cool. It has a feature to make cards and calendars and all sorts of things and then you can print them off or save them to your computer or a flash drive. I really enjoyed playing with it and over the school break in November I fully intend to make my Christmas cards with it.

To enter to win a complete version of the software all you have to do it visit their sight at:
http://www.mymemories.com/ and look at the digital paper packs and/or the layouts that they have and come back here and comment about which was your favorite.

The website has a blog, they have youTube video tutorials and all sorts of things to help you along the way.

One entry per person, no later than 11:59 pm Sunday. I will use a random number generator to select the winner. I will announce the winner on Tuesday October 11 by 2:00 pm.

Good Luck! Thanks for reading! and TTFN

Updates..Knitting...School...Charity

Well, school is moving along. I seem to be keeping my head above water so far. Though to be honest, I don't think that there is really anything else out there but school work and house work.

Now, I posted before about Mockingbird Moon yarn shop, I would like to elaborate a bit about this shop. This shop is not only cute and friendly, but it has things other than yarn. There are stamps and some quilts stuff and the cutest little dog. I have to say a better behaved Yorkie I have never met. He was friendly and quiet. The wonderful ladies that run this shop also didn't mind that I had my very busy 6 year old son with me. He was allowed to play with the dog and not once was I made to feel bad for having a child in their shop. I wish I could say that about all the yarn shops that I go to...Sadly...I can't. If you happen to be in the Bentonville area you should go an see these wonderful ladies. Goodness knows that there are not enough yarn shops in this area.

I have been knitting. I knit a hat for my daughter S.

I have posted this on my Ravelry. It is the Naked Star Hat pattern and I enjoyed knitting it. After some of the more complicated knits it was a really nice breather.

I also completed Josiah's Star. This was a really fun project. It is modular knit so there is no sewing and when you are done, you are done!!

I'm kind of stumped as what I am going to knit next. I have been "stash shopping" this year and so far I have completed 7 or 8 projects...not too bad! I will be working on Off the Deep End and possibly my Swirl Shawl. I also have a fair isle cardigan that I may try and finish so I have a second sweater for the winter...who knows.

I hope to get Coming Home blocked this week. I will post pictures of the process and the finished object.

Charity...I don't get many responses in my comments but...I have a friend L that knits for the kids in the area and in Joplin. She is currently needing stocking caps and has a really basic easy pattern that she has given me. It can be knit either in the round or flat and then sewn up so it would be a good pattern for the beginner or the advanced knitter just needing to use up some leftovers.  If you will drop me a comment I will send you the pattern. Your email address with not be shared with anyone or used in any way. I just don't know how to add a link to the pattern right now but I will work on it.

Keep knitting, the weather here is definitely taken a fall turn and it makes it nice to knit something warm.

Gotta tend the dragons...TTFN



Mockingbird Moon

Sorry for the down time. I only have a minute right now, but I wanted to tell you all about the lovely yarn shop that opened in Bentonville, AR on Saturday.

The shop is Mockingbird Moon and it is a very nice and very sweet shop. The ladies that run it are sisters and their mother was in helping the on Saturday. I am happy to report that even with a downpour the shop was busy and very upbeat while I was there.

I hate that this is so short, but I only have a minute. I promise to post better in a couple of days. I have pictures and other stuff.

Take care. I'm off to tend the dragons...TTFN

Keeping Up

Well, school is kicking my butt. I am having a hard time keeping up with all of the course work, but I will get there.  I am happy to report that while I may not really understand why it works, I seem to have the basic how to do it down in algebra. At least so far. Now if I can just get caught up on the homework.

My computer class irritates me because right now it's all stuff I can do anyway. I have hopes of learning new and exciting things in this class though. Accounting Principles, lets just say accounting is not a fast class. I spent 7 hours working on course work for this class on only one chapter. I have an A, but still.

English Comp and Anthropology, I am so far behind on my reading it isn't even funny. I hope to get a dent in the reading this weekend.

Then you add all of this together with taking care of a house, family of 4, cooking, cleaning and doing laundry, well, it isn't pretty. I am not nearly as organized as I need to be or that I would like to be. I hope that I can get that under control soon.

D asked me this morning what was I going to do when I found a job and had to do all of this home work and the house work...I gave him the best answer that I could...

"I'll do it because it has to be done." That's all I knew to say and that's all I know to do...

I really wish just once in my life I could do enough well enough...

I hope that everyone had a great Labor Day weekend. We went camping and had a pretty good time. It was really weird. There wasn't hardly anyone at Mac's Big Rock this weekend.  Maybe 7 other campers. I guess that is a true sign of just how bad the economy is.  We did enjoy lunch at Cotton Eyed Joe's Barbecue. Absolutely awesome BBQ. If you get that way, Noel, MO, stop by. It is worth the trip.

Of course, Labor Day weekend is a bit sad for me too. My father died 2 years ago on Labor Day. I still turn into a 5 year old and would really like to know why he chose everyone else in the world but me. Sadly, I will never know.

While camping I managed to finish my latest Clapotis. It is really pretty and soft. I made it out of Fiesta Ballet yarn, 2 skeins, it is an alpaca/tencel mix. Very soft and it has a nice alpaca halo too it. How do I know it's soft?

R came over with Tomcat and I was playing with him, he is officially 1 month old in this picture, he was fussy and I was going to play peek-a-boo and tossed the Clapotis over him and tried to get it back.  He had actually grabbed the Clapotis and stopped fussing. We laughed and took it away from him, thinking it was just a fluke. He started to fuss and whimper, R gave him a Binky and he still fussed so in the interest of research we put the Clapotis back on him...Once again he dug his little fingers into the knit work and stopped fussing...We laughed about it again and let him keep it. Well this was Tuesday and the ladies of our group have graciously changed our night to Tuesday to accommodate a couple of us that went back to school. They are wonderful people. Tomcat got fussy, in went the Binky to no avail, we gave him the Clapotis...instant grab and quiet...All of the ladies were like, "It's the Clapotis! He has decided it is his!"


It is no longer a shawl...it's a super hero cape...boys don't use shawls...TTFN

Finally!

Finally!!!

It is finally off the needles! That's right folks, I have finished binding off the 1205 stitches of Coming Home

I promise, as soon as I get this thing blocked I will post some really good pictures of it.  I got to looking back and all the pictures show a different color of blues/green. I will take a picture with a real camera and not just a 10:30 pm picture on my Droid...

I have to say that this has been my most challenging lace to date. While I am ssssoooooo glad to be done with this piece, I have to admit I am excited with the idea of getting to start a new piece of lace.

The next lace on the needles is Off The Deep End.

It is named this as there was a 992 cast on. Also, after the first 3 rows...you join and knit in the round then you have to kitchner 200+ stitches. I am predicting that I WILL be able to do kitchner when I am done with this one. I will post pictures of it as soon as there is something worth looking at. At the moment I am about half way through row 2.

School update...

I am happy to report that I was able to turn in all of my work, on time, the first week. I received my grade in English Comp and was happy to have received 10 out of 10 possible.  Now if I can survive the math test on Wednesday I will be really happy.

I am finding that the online classes are more involved than I really expected them to be. That's ok though. It's amazing how much more appealing housework is when one is procrastinating. Tee Hee!!

Anyway, so far so good. It feels really good to have a purpose to my days. The days don't seem quite as blue as they were for now. I still have moments, hours and, lets face it, days that I am really, really blue. Some days that I still want to just tell the world to go away. I think it will get better.

Gotta get to homework, algebra - God help me, and housework. Both seem never ending. More soon and new gratuitous baby pics.

Gotta tend the dragons...TTFN



1205 and Panic

Just wanted to drop a quick note to let the few people that do read this that I am ok, of course it isn't like people are all that concerned but I can pretend. :)

First off, let me just give a shout to the Financial Aid department at NWACC. These wonderful people processed my financial aid application in a week! I mean they received it on August 12 and it posted August 19. That was incredible!!! I don't think that I would have been able to start classes if my aid had not posted.

I got my books on Monday and started work.  What I wasn't prepared for was the panic that set in when upon looking at my online classes seeing the full weeks worth of work set out on Monday. I have to say that there were deep breathing exercises involved. Well, that and totally ignoring it for a day.  I like to think that I am on track now and so far I am getting the work done. So, for now all is good.

I am working on an Associate degree in General Business with several technical certificates to pad it a bit.  If I can survive the Beginning Algebra I think everything will be fine.

Keep you fingers crossed and wish me luck!

Ok...

1205.

1205 is the number of stitches in the final round of Coming Home. That's right, I have finally finished with the knitting of this piece and I am in the process of binding off the piece. I will get a picture of it as soon as I get it off of the needles.

More soon, but I have work to do and dragons to tend...TTFN

Times Are A Changin

Well...life here at the dragon is going through some changes...like any change, it is stressful.

My youngest, J started 1st grade today...my house, even though S and I are here, is so quiet. For as irritated as I would get at him...I miss him being here.

My daughter S is beginning the home stretch of study for her diploma...long hard year in front of us.

My daughter R has expressed interest in going to school to become a phlebotomist...and she is a new mother...pictures to follow.

My partner D is starting to create HIS website...and it will be incredible.

I am starting classes on Monday at NWACC, 15 hours of classes. I didn't make this decision lightly...but...when I applied for a job as a secretary only to be informed that I wasn't qualified, I've done this work for 20+ years, because I didn't have a degree and no, experience means nothing, jerk offs, I decided that it was time. What really scares me is the number of people that are doing the same thing...only they have been out of work for 2 years or more...9 months isn't so bad I guess.

I have my classes scheduled to take 4 online and my one in class is beginning algebra...God help me. My math class is in the evening. Plus, apparently when you are a dislocated worker...FAFSA...they process your application...IMMEDIATELY...I'm talking less than 24 hours. My financial aid is suppose to fund by Friday. I just submitted the application last Friday.

I am going for a general business degree, but was informed that there are 6 technical certificates that I can acquire while getting the degree by managing my classes properly so I will be creating a spreadsheet today to keep track. If I can get them without too much extra trouble I'm all in.

Theoretically I can...get a full time job...go to school full time...home school one child...manage the education of my youngest...work contract for D's work...manage a home...clean and keep laundry up and see to every ones care and comfort.

At this moment, I am very overwhelmed by the daunting task that lays before me...but...I am also kind of excited...but REALLY scared of failing.

There has been knitting...I am 8 rows away from finishing "Coming Home" yes, I know that the baby has already come home...I am to the decrease rows on my "Winter Clapotis" ...There has also been needlepoint...

Yes, I have been using the needlepoint to avoid knitting...but it's been a nice break.

Also, just so you know...my little Tomcat has been properly attired for his outings in damp, cool weather...

Why yes, that is the "Stroller Blanket" that is snuggling that sweet child...of course I understand it you don't see the blanket because of the sweet frown and pouting lip...

Must go tend the dragons...they are really restless and loud...TTFN



Time To Meet and Greet

Sorry for the delay.  Life has been hectic.

I'm still unemployed. I find that there are a lot of people out there that have been out of work much longer than I have been. I met a man Thursday that had managed a company for 12 years and was let go because he didn't have a degree. TWO YEARS!

I applied for a secretarial position only to be told that I needed a BA to answer their phones...I am REALLY glad that no one has to talk to them about me...I kind of lost it.

I had to file an extension on my unemployment...the only one thing of the obama administration that I can think of being of any benefit to the regular population.

I have decided to go back to school to get a degree so I can answer someones phone...For being out of school 22 years only having to take remedial algebra isn't too bad. This is where I met the man that was out of work 2 years...when I paid to take my placement test.

We have had some excitement though...drum roll please!!!!

May I introduce my little TomCat:

He came to us on August 6 at about 6 pm a whopping 6 lbs and 9 oz and 18 inches long. We had a scare though as the cord was around his neck, but we were blessed as he is perfect.  I have to say that I am pretty sure that he is happy to be able to move around.

This is where he had been living:

Let us just say...there wasn't much room left in there.  Of course I don't know if they are fond of him or not...



Rrrriiiiggggttttt...Just try prying this kid out of his Mommy and Daddy's arms and you are libel to pull back a stump.

We are all very much in love with this little wonder. Mommy and baby both did beautifully and Daddy is all puffed up as this is his son. R is a very good Mommy and Da is a very good Daddy.

Of course Nana and Grandpa are pretty taken with him too and he really likes his Auntie S and Uncle J.

Life is good...

Normal...Then...Not So Normal

All my life it seems that I have been told that I am either "ashamed of my raising", because I wanted more than I had as child. That I need to be more "normal". Or the big one..."can't you cook anything normal?"

Now you may think that this is really an odd thing to be writing about, but I have been told/ asked by no less than 4 people that I loved/loved "Can't you just cook anything normal?"

I love food! I think about food constantly. I LOVE to cook and bake.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE trying new things and ethnic food...I think that food is just...incredible. Of course, I am short and overweight, but I know why...I don't hate me because I am fat. I'm fat...it's that simple.

The first person to ask me this question was my grandmother...this question revolved around a lasagna that I made. She didn't cook things like that. She was from the "old school", meat and potatoes. Food that fed you, nourished you and was utilitarian. Nothing wrong with it, was very thankful to have it growing up. I do not remember a meal, apart from breakfast, when a bowl of beans as a protein source were not on the table. This includes holidays...Because I wanted to eat differently I was dubbed "ashamed of my raising" and "can't you cook anything normal?"

The second person was my ex-husband. I made Chinese food. Something very Americanized, sweet and sour pork or the like, and I made fortune cookies from scratch to go with it. Needless to say, he was not impressed. The question of "can't you just cook anything normal?" was put out there as he walked out the door to go to Wendy's to get a burger.

The third time I was asked this question was by my step-mother. My step-mother and I have never gotten along. She doesn't like me, I don't care for her. At the time I was staying with her and my father and was doing the cooking and cleaning. I had made a really nice vegetarian stew with couscous and had sauteed chicken on the side. At the time, I also had a 11 year old that was a "vegetarian". My father, my daughter R, my son J and I were all enjoying the stew and my step mother looked me square in the face and said "Can't you ever cook anything normal?" Did I mention that the stew was completely organic? Did I mention that my step-mother is a morbidly obese woman? She was not impressed.

The last time I was asked this question...last night. D and I were talking about dinner and I mentioned making "Cuban" sandwiches. D has been under A LOT of stress lately, but he turns to me and with a snarl says "Can't you just cook something normal?!" I have to say of all the times I have been asked this question...I think this one hurt the worst.

For D and the kids, warmed up smoked pork, corn and steamed broccoli...*yawn*...

I, however, made carnita tacos...so there!

On a different note...if there is anyone out there...you REALLY need to watch this!!! It is hilarious!!!

                                                                 The Llama Song

This is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen!!!

Well, must go tend the dragons...I will post about the UFO month of July soon...TTFN

Interesting...

First off, thank you to any and all that sent out good mojo for me and my interview. I haven't heard yet, but the mojo must be working as I have had 3 interviews in the last week.  Please...keep the mojo coming! I greatly appreciate it!

Knitting content...about 2-3 years ago, while we were on vacation in Montana, we stopped in Kalispell, MT and I went to this little yarn shop. I purchased lace weight alpaca, size 2 addi lace needles and a lace pattern...I cast on in the car for this lace and named it "Insanity"

 This poor stole had been in a drawer for a while because I had been too lazy to block it. The act of blocking lace is truly magic..."Insanity" truly is beautiful and soft...

I did something very interesting yesterday and today...Since I am looking for work, I am generally on the computer applying on line, emailing resumes and such buy the time the kids get up.  Yesterday, J asked me if I would sit with him while he ate his breakfast...so I did.

J and I had the best visit. We talked about school starting, we reviewed counting and ABC's and some math and spelling. We talked about what he wants to be when he grows up. We also discussed the family game we play most evenings...more on that later.

Yesterday was so nice, that today, I brought my knitting to the table specifically to sit and visit with him this morning...

6 year olds are very interesting to visit with...

Oh, and it WAS NOT ME last night...TTFN!

Yes...It was me

After several weeks of being good...I fell...

I have been trying not to be the one starting those conversations at our knit night...

This week...

          IT WAS ME!!!

dammit...

Off The Deep End

Still out of work, but I do have a job interview on Friday, so if there is anyone out there reading...please wish me luck and send some good mojo my way!

As days go by and life gets crazier and crazier, I struggle for control. Why is it when I need to get control that I feel the need to work on very complicated items? I don't know...

Enter...

 Off The Deep End aka Frost Flowers Stole. It is from 2008 Interweave Knits Holiday Gifts and is by Charlene Schurch. The reason I called it "Off The Deep End"? It has a cast on of 992 stitches...yes...992 stitches. My friend N, she says I'm insane and that I have gone off the deep end. I thought it was appropriate.

In other knits, we had a very nice young couple join our Wednesday group and she had knit him Sack Boy.  Sack Boy was her very first knit for her husband, who knits, and she had trouble with the pattern.  Another of our knitters helped her and occasionally asked for my opinion on the pattern. In the end she made a wonderful Sack Boy! He is adorable.

Well, I got to looking at the pattern as daughter R's partner went nuts about the possibility of there being a Sack Boy out there. He's a good boy, he appreciates hand crafts! So long story short, since R was going to attempt to knit the pattern I decided to see how hard the pattern was. So on Friday I cast on for the body and away we went...

May I introduce...

Haggis, my version of SB's Scottish cousin!  I intend to get some embroidery floss or pearl cotton and chart a tartan and knit him a kilt.  My family has a tartan, as does a few of my friends families.  As soon as I can find a good source for pearl cotton in many colors I will post a picture of the chart and the tartan in progress.  I made some definite changes to the pattern and I may write up the changes, but I'm not sure yet.

Haggis was a hit though! I started him on Friday morning and sewed and stuffed him on Saturday evening. He was a quick knit and not too complicated.

I'm still plugging away on "Coming Home" as we have about 5 weeks or so before J comes home. I am currently on row 126 of 159 so not too far. I have used about 700 yards of lace weight so far and looks like I will have to attach another ball to finish. I will post another pic as soon as I get done. Right now...it looks like a giant deflated jellyfish.

Oh!!! I am also in the process of getting my sewing room set up. We have a spare room and while we were going to tear down the walls it hasn't been used for much. D's father is getting older and we have decided to leave the walls up just in case we need to make it into a quick bedroom should he come to stay with us sometime in the future. So...until then...I have a sewing room!!!! As soon as I get it set up I will post a couple of pictures!

Gotta tend the dragons....



Crazy Train Has Rolled Into The Depot

I realize that it's been a while and I apologize. I have had some major blue going on. I wish I could say that I had started a new job, but no such luck yet. Still looking and working on not being too awful upset that the job hunt is going so slowly.

First things first...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY S!!!!



Today is my daughter S's 15th birthday. So proud of the young lady that she is and excited to see what she will become!

Now, on to the Crazy Train.

Beginning the Steeking

Deep Breathing was going on to keep from passing out.

It didn't explode and unravel!!!!!

Gave it a bath and pinned it out.

Put a beautiful Batik back on it.

And finally finished Crazy Train!

I am very proud of Crazy Train. I really enjoyed this project. It was a relatively quick knit considering how large it is and that it is color work. I really feel like someone new to color work could manage this project.

Pinneguri, the creator of this beautiful pattern, is incredibly talented and has many, many more beautiful color work patterns. I would happily knit any of The Needle Lady's patterns anytime.

R was at my house when I finished the blanket and was excited to have it. I hope that Josiah will love it as much as I loved making it for him.

On to other things...

I have determined that July is going to be a month of UFOs. I have far too many hovering around and must get some finished. I have to say that I currently have...24 projects in process. This seems extreme...or rather I have been informed that this is extreme.

I am trying to figure out how to post a list of projects on my side bar, if anyone reads this and could tell me how, I would appreciate the help.

The top three in rotation are currently...Coming Home. I am currently on row 121 of 159. I also have 6 weeks until Josiah gets here. Tick Tock.

The Belt Bag. I am currently knitting the sides and bottom, it's one piece...it's just boring as all get out. 17 stitches in stocking net forever! I have it about half the way done. I haven't decided if I am going to do the cabled belt that goes around the purse yet.

Last but not least...Clapotis. I have actually frogged and restarted this project. I discovered about 3 repeats into the decrease section that I had neglected to drop stitches on both sides...Yeah...it is actually about the same place as the picture on my Ravelry pages. So it's OK.

I hope to clear off a few things and get them out of the way. Then I can move on to bigger and better!

TTFN...gotta tend the dragons.

South Paws and Other Things

I am unsettled today...really I have been for a while now. I can't seem to get focused and get things in order and focus...I really REALLY gotta find a job, start classes or something. My brain is turning to mush!!

I've been on a bread baking jag lately. I found this wonderful website, "The Fresh Loaf" and I have been playing with the Lessons that the site offers. Lesson one is a very basic loaf and it works beautifully. Lesson two is a little more advanced and makes an even better loaf. I actually turned that recipe into a really nice olive/ feta loaf. Worked very well and was quite tasty. 

With the same Lesson Two recipe I attempted to make hamburger buns, I weighed out the dough at 2.5 oz each, let them rise and cut the tops. Let's say that they were good, and everyone likes sliders...My sliders just happened to be a really good BBQ ed burnt ends.  If you don't know burnt ends...they are the wonderful trimmings from smoked brisket. Ours come every week from "Cotton Eyed Joe's BBQ", food is great, people are wonderful. We eat there every Sunday. If you are ever in Noel, MO definitely worth the trip!

This morning I set a sponge to rise and ferment over-night, this is from Lesson Three. Lesson three says to put it in the refrigerator, but I may just let it sit on the counter. I haven't decided yet. Then you finish the dough the next day and add the sponge for the flavor.  I will definitely keep you posted!

After the "Orange Roving of Death" I finally started to spin the brown Icelandic/Alpaca. I am happy to report that it was the orange roving. I don't know what the heck the dyer did to the wool, but my Lord, I couldn't spin it to save my life. I am spinning the Icelandic/ Alpaca for the Stripe Study Shawl I have a light brown in Icelandic/ Alpaca for the contrast color.

I am really happy with how it is turning out so far. I usually try to spin really thin singles and that may be the problem. I am working really hard to spin this a bit thicker to try and get a fingering/sock yarn once I finish and get it plied. When I pull it out and let it spin back on itself it looks like it may turn out really nicely.  I have hope!





Now then, to the South paw part of things.  Has anyone out there every heard of a persons dominate hand, ie lefty or righty, changing with age?  I noticed while spinning the other day that I can not spin with my right food treadling but I can spin well treadling with my left foot.  That's not all though. We are getting ready to paint S's bedroom and while doing prep work and feathering in around door trim and the ceiling, with my right hand, paint on everything. When I changed to my left hand...I had beautiful lines. Almost as nicely as if I had taped everything off. So I have been kind of watching and I guess maybe it's a mental thing, but I have begun to do alot of thing with my left that I use to do with my right.

Keep in mind I have never broken my right arm, hand or wrist. I have never had my right hand immobilized at all. My friend N asked it I was originally a lefty and made to change but I don't remember that. My father was a lefty and my son J is a lefty...I have always been a righty if not a bit ambidextrous.

Weird....

Some Days Are Really Good Days

Some days really are very good days...I wish that I had thought to grab a picture of this when S and I were both still sitting around the table. 

Yesterday was a really good day. S and I repaired tack holes in her bedroom walls so we can start to paint so she can have a really cool bedroom.  R came over and we all baked bread...good for the soul.

We got to see friends that we haven't seen in a long time and the kids got to play the Xbox until way past bed time...but that was also a good thing. It made them very happy.

At one point yesterday, S, R and I were all sitting around this table knitting and visiting...that was very good for my soul...to have two of my most very favorite people in the world, not to mention that I am blessed enough for the two people to be my daughters, sitting around just knitting and enjoying each other...very good for my soul. I hope it was good for theirs too.

Now...about the table!!!!

For several years we have not had a dining room table...D and I have looked and kind of kept an eye out, but never found "the table".  Last Friday, on his way to work D stopped at a yard sale on our block and looked at this table and chairs. He called me and I walked down and looked at it...I asked the lady having the sale to put a sold sign on it and I would go get cash...

The table is solid wood...I think maple...it is drop leaf and has two other inserts that are stored in the table itself, so it gets bigger! Plus I got 4 chairs, two captains and two armless...for $75...for all of it!!!

Gotta tend the dragons...

Orange Roving...*sigh*

This is the orange roving...I really loved this orange roving...the picture doesn't do the colors justice.   I blended three different colors so I would have a really pretty variegated yarn...nice smooth, consistent singles...I was going to Navajo ply them...the orange roving...DID NOT agree with this plan... I really don't know what the problem is with this roving or the blend of the three of them, but I could not make it hold a twist to save my life.  I was able to get a really nice consistent single, but then it would just...turn loose of itself.  I must have thrown away almost a half an ounce of single that just...turned loose.  I tried adjusting my wheel, how I drafted...nothing worked.

I finally decided to just see if I could ply the singles that I had and the more I tried to ply it...it just...turned loose...I am just stumped.  I admit defeat.  I cannot spin this roving...DAMMIT!!!

Anyone in blog land want to try your hand at the orange roving, just drop me a comment and I will contact you about sending it to you. I have wound the singles on my ball winder and those are also included so you can see the singles that I have done with it.  Good luck!

On a happier note! I finished my "Stroller Blanket"! This is the first completed knit for my daughter R and my grandson JL or "Little DeWayne". Two more to go before June 4...I think I can, I think I can.

I am about 12 rows away from having the blue central motif on "Crazy Train" before I begin the second green boarder! This has been a wonderful knit. I have loved every minute of it...

This is my Icelandic/Alpaca roving that I got at Stringtown in Ft. Smith...I am hoping that the bad mojo of the "orange roving" doesn't carry over to this wonderfully soft roving.  I plan on doing a fingering weight yarn to do "Stripe Study".   While the picture doesn't show it, the dark is a beautiful chocolate brown and the light is a beautiful fawn brown and I think they will be perfect!

Oh yeah...for the record...week 3....IT WASN'T ME!!!!

The Craziness

If you read here on occasion, you know that I use this space to "talk", to "think", to brainstorm and to show off handiwork.

I really don't mean for this space to be depressing, but I am I guess what would be called "depressed". I realize that there are great meds out on the market, but I choose not to use them as the ones I have tried in the past haven't help and if anything they have made things worse. Not to mention that a pill doesn't fix the problem...kind of like gastric bypass for people with emotionally charged eating...it doesn't fix the inside stuff...

I'm noticing lately that what I call "the craziness", my personal title for what goes on in my head, seems to be changing...and I'm not sure if it's changing for the better or the worse...maybe that's a good thing. I don't know.

I would like to think that I am working through issues and getting some things straightened out in my head but I don't know. I have such a feeling of being out of control right now.

We finally got our replacement stove this week and D had to go to 3 hardware stores to find a coupler to get it hooked up. Total craziness. In the midst of all of this the statement of "I have spent too much time and resources on this damned stove. Before I met you I never used one." Yeah...make me feel great. Out of character I respond..."add this to the list of things that I have Fxxxed up in your world." Not exactly the best way to handle that.

Just cause I'm a big girl doesn't mean my feelings don't get hurt...

I also know that the craziness is changing because I am looking for about 7000 yards of lace weight yarn.  There is a group on Ravelry called "The Princess Diaries 2.0".  "The Queen Susan Shawl" is speaking to me, not literally...not that far gone yet...but I want to knit this.

As soon as I finish "Crazy Train", "Coming Home" and Stroller Blanket...I am pretty sure that "The Queen Susan Shawl" is going to be in order.  Of course I also have 8oz of beautiful blue merino/silk roving that I want to spin to make a shawl. D got the roving for me for my birthday.

Gotta tend the dragons...TTFN

Guilt, Blame and Letting Go...

There are days that I am consumed in and with guilt...

Guilt for eating too much...guilt for not eating...guilt for being fat...guilt for not being angry that I am fat...

Guilt for having arthritis pain directly related to my weight so I don't take medication to make the pain ease...because I don't deserve to not hurt...

Guilt that I was not a good mother...

Guilt that I knit too much...guilt that I think about knitting and crafting and food literally all the time...

Guilt that my house is not clean...guilt that my carpets are stained, they came that way when D bought the house...

Guilt at being called a slacker and lazy because the house is not spotless and that I might still be in pj's at the end of the day...

Guilt that I haven't been able to find a job...

Guilt that money is extremely tight now...

Guilt when I grocery shop because I want something just for me, but that would be selfish...

Guilt that I want to spend money on yarn and books and fabric and food...

Guilt that I was not a good daughter...my mother left when I was 6 months old...I was 13 when I met her...my father sent me to my grandparents and for the last 2 or 3 years before he died he didn't speak to me...my grandmother, who raised me kept my ex-husband instead of me...Obviously...I have done something wrong or I am a bad person...

Guilt that the glasses that I wore for 2 years, and yes, occasionally fell asleep in, broke on Mother's day and it cost my family $238 to get me glasses...

Guilt for everything....

There are also days that I am flooded with blame...

Blame for our finances...

Blame for our weight...

Blame for the co-dependency of children...

Blames for aches and pains...

Blames for the inability to sleep...

Blame that we don't do anything...

Blame that me being lazy is why no projects get completed in our house...

Blame, BLame, BLAme, BLAMe, BLAME!!!!!

Today...I am going to start letting go...

Of the guilt...

And of the blame...

I'm done...

I've had enough...

I give...

Today is the day that self forgiveness begins...

One tiny, tiny step at a time...

For the Record...Week 2

I am proud to say...

For the record...for the second week...

IT WAS NOT ME!!!!!

Addictions and realizations

Has anyone out there been watching the show on OWN "Addicted to Food"?  I have...and it scares me a bit...I mean, really scares me.  When these people came to rehab all of them were talking about thinking about food constantly and about eating all the time. Even the two women that are "skinny" but still ill talk about thinking about food constantly...

I can relate to everyone of these people on this show...I think about food constantly...some days the smell of something sets me off in a crazed...I need that NOW!!! I was talking to D the other day and I was describing a coconut cake to him...All of a sudden he looks at me and says, "that's not right...it's only food".  Apparently I was getting way to excited about the idea of this cake and was a bit to passionate in my description...

I mean there is a reason that I'm as round as I am tall. I love food, good food...I have more than once sent things back that didn't taste good...Life is too short to eat bad food if you don't have to.

I mean, I have known for years that I turn to food for comfort, for solace. The experience of my hands getting sweaty around certain foods depending on how good or bad I felt at the time...

I have been wondering lately how a person, ok, me-could go about just stopping. Just stop all of it...

Stop the binging...stop the purging...stop the not eating...

I mean how hard can it be to develop a healthy relationship with food? Bwa hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Yeah right...a healthy relationship with food...I'll believe it when I see it.

I would like to be one of those people that don't live to eat, but that eat to live...you know to eat high quality, well made food...

I would really like to try...

Longing For The Past

At least that is what this quiz says.

I find that lately I have a longing...a desire for things of the past...

I want to put in a garden...to feel the warm soil on my hands...to smell the loamy smell of rich fertile soil...to raise food to put by for my family and maybe to gift the neighbors...

I want to make jams and jellies and to can...to sit down after cleaning the kitchen in the evening to knit and hear the "pop" of the jars sealing...to wipe the jars, tighten the lids and see the beautiful things that I have done for my family's comfort and well being...I feel this need deep in my soul...Like the call of sirens from days gone by...

I want to make bread and rich, thick stews from the bounty I have put by...to smell the bread baking and the stew cooking and know...I did this...to care for my loved ones...to nourish their bodies as doing it nourishes my soul...

I want to have chickens for fresh eggs and to see them scratching in the yard...to have a hen sit eggs and roosters for frying...

I want to card wool for spinning...

I want to spin wool into yarn for knitting warm things for my family's comfort...

I want to spin wool for wharp and wheft to weave cloth to make blankets and rugs to warm my family's beds and feet...

I want to make quilts to decorate my home and cover my family from the winters cold...

Somehow...somewhere...deep in my very soul...I miss these things.  I miss them as if I had just done all of these things just yesterday...I need to do these things as surely as I need to eat and breath...

I feel these things missing from my being...The need to reconnect with the old ways...to simpler times...

I feel the need to simplify...to have better quality and less quantity...

I...am...restless...

Time to tend the dragons...

For The Record...

I will admit that most times I am the bad influence on my group of friends that knit together on Wednesday nights...

But tonight...

Let the record show...

IT   WAS   NOT  ME!!!!!!

Everything All At Once

For the last two days I have been contemplating this post...

After 10 years of terror and fear...Osama Bin Laden is dead.

For survivors, family who lost loved ones, rescue workers and those who lost someone in 9-11...while it doesn't bring them back...I hope that you can begin to, or continue to heal. To know that this person will not be causing such horrific acts again...

For our men and women in uniform and their families...I thank you for the job that you, and your loved one does...I rest easier at night knowing that they are there...

For the ones left behind after loosing someone in the fight against terror...I'm so sorry for your loss and for what little it is worth, thank you...

To our President, I wish in your speech that you would not have said "I" so much...it was terribly tacky...had you been in the Middle East, in uniform and carrying a weapon with our men and women that are there, I would feel differently...

I was talking to my oldest girl R and she said that as a child she always thought that when Osama Bin Laden was killed/died it would be such a feeling of relief...but it isn't...now it seems like almost holding your breath to see what is going to happen next...

One final thing...let's remember that we should never rejoice at the death of someone...regardless of how bad or evil this man was...

Karma is a bitch...

My Aura and Other Things

This morning I was watching an old episode of a travel show and the hosts "aura" was brought up. She sat in a chair and things were done and a photo of her aura was taken. Fortunately, her aura was all rainbows, a very good place.

I am pretty sure that my aura at this moment in life is NOT a rainbow. I would lean very toward a very black aura. I have been very blue and working on trying to get out of being blue. I don't want to take medication for this because I don't understand how a serotonin blocker works, especially when serotonin is what is supposed to make us feel happy. I also don't like the fact that you can't just stop taking it. You see, I have taken such meds before and all that has happened is either I'm a zombie or I feel worse.

I know why I'm blue. I'm 40, morbidly obese, I ache (due to the obesity issue) and unemployed. I realize that in the grand scheme of things, these are not that big of an issue. People all over the world have it much, much worse than I do...I feel somewhat selfish by "voicing" my blueness, but I need to get it out. To purge myself of the blueness in a sense.

40, well this is out of my control. I'll reconcile this.

Unemployed, with the job market so flooded with people looking for a job, it's a horrible thing trying to find a job. R my daughter has suggested that I start and etsy shop, and I may. I need to get something out on Craigslist about teaching knitting, crocheting, sewing ect...Needless to say the job hunt continues...

Morbidly obese...such an ugly term...Morbidly obese...hmmm...this one, this is in my control. I am proud to say that I have been drinking more water. I have a terrible addiction to soda and I would really rather drink soda as anything else. I have been drinking a non-calorie soda, but I really thing that in the volume that I have a habit of drinking it, the artificial sweetener in it is causing part of the aching that I am experiencing. I need to start weening myself off of soda. Seriously, I imagine the CFO of a certain red and white soda company panicking at the thought of me cutting back on my soda intake, tee!

I need to try some of the carbonated waters on the market and see if they take care of the addiction. I also need to pull out the sun tea jar. Combat the soda with unsweetened ice tea with either lemon or lime.

I have been doing some exercise. Big plus...I am in hope that using the joints that ache will make them not ache quite so bad...or something else will hurt and I won't notice it. I have been working in my flower beds, my mail man approves. It's really comical to see this huge woman out in the yard, floppy hat, long sleeves, gloves, a wagon for the waste to take to my compost pile sitting on a stool working in a flower bed...Glad I can add humor to someones day.

I am going to "audition" the space I'm going to turn into my tomato bed. Basically, I'm going to go lay wet newspaper over the grass and weight them down to kill the grass so it's easier to get up. Then the fun begins! Digging, double digging and getting a nice loose soil created to plant my tomatoes. 6 plants, I have hope!!

I have been knitting. Crazy Train is coming along nicely. I am on the blue central motif and really enjoying the knit. It's moving along quickly and it's really a lot of fun showing it to people and seeing the look of confusion when you explain it's going to be a baby blanket...right now...it's a tube. :)

Once I complete the knitting the pattern calls for you to steek the whole thing and add a backing.

As I have never steeked anything, I am terrified, but in a really good roller coaster ride kind of way. I will post pictures. I have hopes of having this completed by mid May. I have remarkably been quite faithful to this project. Mind you, I do have a whopping 27 other things started...no really, 27...I counted. Hmmm...maybe I should list them for all to see! Maybe that would motivate me to finish up a few things.

Of course though, I sorted a few boxes of my stash the other day and discovered a shawl pattern that I now have and overwhelming urge to start. I have the yarn in stash! I have the needles! I wouldn't have to buy anything!!! Of course, casting on 992 stitches...bit of a hmmmmm moment.  Got to think about this for a minute.

S and I have been playing with the ball winder that D got me for my birthday. Lots of fun! S also started a new scarf of her own design...I am so proud of her!

I am still spinning the orange that I have been working on for what seems like a lifetime, this isn't helped by the fact that I have two new bags of roving I want to spin...

Well, I have dishes to do, clothes to wash and a tomato bed to create...

Not to mention dragons to tend...TTFN

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Well, it's here...the big 4-0...I'm not quite reconciled to being 40. I just don't know if I like the idea of being 40...If I live to be 80, which in my DNA pool people live well into and past 80...still living independently, I am middle aged!!!! If I live to 90 I'm almost middle aged!!!! Somewhat of a sobering thought.

I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how I got back to basically square one and 40 at the same time...I'm sure I will figure it out eventually.

Like I've said before the "0"'s and the "5"'s are hard for me. It's like these are the times that I tend to get really thoughtful and start looking back and also looking forward. Something like New Year's for most people.

There are things in my life that HAVE to change. I'm all of 5 feet tall and 300 lbs. This, this is one of the things that must change. I don't want to be old and fat and not able to walk because I can't support my weight. That frightens me. I drink GALLONS of soda. The bulk of it is Coke Zero, but still. This is something the must change. I have to find a job. This one thing is paramount. I HAVE to find a job. I am hopeful that the economy is getting better and that I will be able to find a job, but who knows. My SIL R was out of work for 2 years. That frightens me. Fortunately, she starts work on Monday. Very happy for her.

In the month of April, I would like to start making some of the changes that have to be made. I have a physical on April 11 with a full blood panel set of results waiting to be addressed and see just how much change is really needed. I'm sure the list will be long.

I am going to make the effort to drink more water and unsweetened tea than soda pop this month. I know it won't be perfect, but I am going to up my water intake this month. What is it? 28 days to make or break a habit...time will tell.

On a different note...Wednesday when I finally got to my knitting group, my wonderful friend N and her daughters S & L had decided to give me a birthday party. Complete with cupcakes, chocolate, yellow and my all time, level best favorite...red velvet with cream cheese icing! I was so thrilled that they think enough of me to do this.  Not only was there cupcakes...there were gifts!!

N and B, her husband, took a trip that in the grand scheme included a stop at Mitchell, NE and the

Brown Sheep facility!! I was so excited that she go to go and so incredibly jealous when she called while she was there.  I see a road trip in the future.

I had asked for 2 skeins of 

Brown Sheep's new lace weight yarn, which I might add is incredible.

I was very shocked when I was handed the bag containing the 2 skeins of lace weight in blue, my favorite color, and the bag of roving. When I asked what I owed her, she looked at me and smiled and said "Happy Birthday!"

I was so touched and tickled. She is a very good friend and I love her and her girls dearly.              

So far this morning has been pretty good. My SIL R has texted me to wish me a Happy Birthday. Of course D and S have wished me a Happy Birthday. I have even received a call from my step-mother wishing me a Happy Birthday. DS, some of our extended family, wished me Happy Birthday, so it's a good day so far. 

S just came and told me to check my email as I have a surprise waiting. So yes, good day so far. 

I think that I am going to lay down and take a nap. I'm going to knit and spin with no guilt today for the things that I should be doing. I may even take a lllooonnnnggggg hot shower instead of the normally utilitarian shower of 5 -10 minutes I usually do...

Who knows...maybe I will even embrace being 40...