Wednesday, February 8, 2012


For the last week or so I have been feeling unsettled. I don't know if anyone else knows what I am talking about, but I have. A feeling of dissatisfaction and unrest. Of not being centered.

I find myself longing for things that aren't happening and probably won't happen...unless there are changes...Changes that I don't really know just yet how to make.

I have yet to find the true motivation to start adding exercise to my day, yet I still get really aggrivated when I don't loose any weight...I continue to think that I don't have time and yet there won't be time unless I make, or rather, take time. I am still struggling with the idea that it is ok to take care of me.

I find that I want to eat...not just a "hmm, I'm hungry" but a deep seated NEED to eat. I am so stressed right now. Once again Algebra is kicking my butt. I have to find a way to get a different mind set about Algebra. I have 18 hours this semester, yes I did that to myself, but to get everything done, I had to. J, my youngest, is making me crazy. He thinks he is 10 feet tall and has the attitute to match. My house looks like a goat exploded, for the animal rights's an expression.

I watched a show about hoarders the other day and was somewhat disturbed, not just by the mess, but by what one of the phsycologists said. She was talking about how people tend to think that hoarders are lazy and undisciplined, but that was not true. She said that most hoarders were very detail oriented and very much perfectionists. That if they couldn't do something perfectly, then they would get stuck and couldn't go forward.  That statement scared me...

I look around me and look at all the things that I need to do and I get so overwhelmed. I need to start and yet I can't find a spot to start. When I think that I have found a place to start it kind of snowballs into what else needs to be done to do this...Basically, I get stalled and lost and a lot of the time, I don't do anything. The show about the scared me because I can see how it could happen...

So many things need change and I so don't know how to go about it...

Must go tend the dragons...ttfn.

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