The Bow Flex

This...thing...

Lives in my craft/spare/soon to be office/bedroom...and it's scary.

I guess if you were not a 40 something, 5 ft tall, severely overweight and totally out of shape woman it wouldn't be so scary...However, I am a 40 something, 5 ft tall, severely overweight and totally out of shape woman, so it's scary.

Well, today I made it's acquaintance. I actually went in and USED it! The person we bought it from still had the work-out poster and I did all the upper body exercised on it. I will TRY and do the lower body work-out tomorrow.

I was really surprised that no longer than what I was on the machine, I have jelly arms and my abs are kind of the "gonna really hurt tomorrow" feel already...did I mention just HOW out of shape I am?

I used 15 pounds of resistance and did reps of 12, one rep per exercise. I know it isn't much, but I did it. I made the decision to, for that brief few moments, to take care of me...and I'm glad.

I grew up in a house where the mother figure - my grandmother - never did for herself. She always did for everyone else and had a tendency to be over critical when I would do something for me and inform me that I was selfish and I was bad for doing those things.  Long story short. To make the decision to do these few things, as menial and small as they are, for me. To take care of me. Is, to me, a big deal.

I'm really proud of the fact that I have maintained what I have been doing this long, yeah 16 days isn't that long, but it is. It takes 28 days to create or get rid of a habit. I am 12 days away from cementing a habit of healthier food choices. If I do the bow flex tomorrow, I will be 26 days away from cementing a habit of strength training...now to start walking.

I like to walk, I DON'T like to walk on the street. We don't have sidewalks on our block, so you have to walk in the street. As stupid as it is, because no one drives crazy on our block, it makes me very, very nervous. I feel like I am being watched and it bothers me.

Now to just get past that...TTFN

Weight in #2

Don't know how but....

DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

301.0

I have absolutely no idea how I lost 4.8 lbs this week...but I guess even if I ate more than I should have, not drinking 2 liters plus of soda a day kind of off sets things...

TTFN!!

Straightening Things Out

It's been a bad food week...If I don't gain weight back...I'll be amazed...

I sit here in my home and I am restless. I look around and feel the urge...no...the need to straighten. A need to get things set right and to clean and organize and put things in order...I get this way when life is particularly crazy...and life has been crazy.

School starts on Tuesday. I'm taking 18 hours this semester and I'm terrified. My daughter R is going back to school this semester. YAY!!! She has declared culinary as her major, so this should be fun. I plan on learning a lot from her culinary classes!

Life feels so out of control this week...and I can tell you EXACTLY where I feel like I lost control...Tuesday night I ate a danish at our knit night...I foolishly thought that I could eat a danish and be fine...Not the case...All I have wanted to do this week is eat. To a point I have eaten...a lot.

I don't know if everyone thinks like that or if it is just folks like me with a food issue. I realize after several years that I do have an issue with food. Much like an alcoholic...only different...you have to eat.


I haven't eaten a bunch of garbage, frankly because I don't keep it in the house, I would eat it...or drink it if I kept soda.  It just seems like I have done nothing but eat, though I have been keeping up with my nutrition tracker. Painful as it may be. I hang my head and beat it against the wall figuratively...but I know that it isn't the end...I have the power to make different choices at the next meal...I have the power, maybe not the ability, to choose not to eat as much or crap...now if I just can.

I think that I am going to start my spring cleaning early and go room by room and deep clean and organize. To purge if you will the things that are unnecessary. At least I am going to try. Of course this makes me want to get the Spackle and fill nail holes and gouges in the walls and prepare for painting and then the trim would have to be stained and the tile needs to be changed and well, I just can't afford to do that right now...it's a snowball effect.

I am going to go through each room and clean and organize and straighten. To put my Christmas tree away and such...I am going to try and get a schedule in place for my school work. I got way behind last semester...I wasn't prepared for how much time it required...This semester, I know how much time is required and I have more hours...send good fibes.

I have been knitting. Not a lot. My table lamp in the living room unceremoniously died last week and I haven't found one to replace it yet so I can't knit in there right now. Soon though I will say "f!@# this" and just buy some cheap and ugly lamp because I can't stand it any more.

I am almost to the decrease rows on my Skinner hat, I'm on row 10 of 24 before decreases and I have it in the dining room so when I am working in the kitchen I can catch a few stitches or rows here and there.

I am on block 5 of 20 with the Fireside afghan, I only work on it in the bedroom, I can usually work on it while I read, much of which I will be doing for school.

Have to go and get some water, I guess really in the grand scheme that since I am not drinking massive amounts of soda and I am drinking massive amounts of water...maybe the eating won't be so bad as if I was padding it with a 2-liter or more of soda a day...

Gotta tend the dragons...TTFN

Can't Win

So I post yesterday about my weight loss...YAY!!!

We had an incredibly crazy morning yesterday so I didn't get around to telling D about the 6.8 lbs I lost until we were on the way to have lunch with FIL.

I get a high-5, then, he informs me that he thinks that the way I am doing it isn't the right way. That I shouldn't deny myself certain foods...we went to dinner on Friday to Steak N Shake, had burgers and with the coupon I had, shakes...only I DIDN'T drink a shake. I was proud of myself, but for some reason it seems to be upsetting to him.

At lunch with FIL, we eat at a BBQ buffet, Cotton Eyed Joe's, while I did have a soda, I didn't have dessert. YAY me!!!

We get home and D and the kids are wanting something sweet and I told them I would happily go and get them something and D says, "no, you wouldn't get yourself some." I respond, "So?"

Needless to say, I didn't go get sweets, YAY!!!, and D tells the kids that I NEED something sweet.

I just don't get it...

I know me, if I eat sweet, I WANT sweet. I took my whole no sweets as a good thing...

Who knows...

Gotta tend the dragons...TTFN

Ps. Knitting content tomorrow!

Weigh-in Number 1

Well, as promised...I stepped on the scale this morning...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

305.6

Pretty good for a week that I really didn't do any exercise. I hope to walk next week and...there is still the bow flex...

Gotta tend the dragons...TTFN!!!



Something Interesting

I tried something new for breakfast this morning...it was interesting in a good way...more on that later.

 I did indeed make black bean soup yesterday from this recipe. I have to say that it was by far one of the easiest soups I have ever made.  This is what it looked like in the pot after I had pureed about half of it in the food processor.

I was skeptical...until I tasted it. It tasted wonderful! A little smokey from the chili powder and the cumin, a little bite from the salsa and just really satisfying. 

The recipe said that it made four 1 1/4 cup servings and I was really happy when I portioned it out that it actually did.  I have 3 bowls in the freezer and one in the fridge for lunch/dinner today.  I will definitely make this often. At 191 calories...I'd say that it would be a good safe food option.

I also decided that I would make some brown rice. I really like rice and beans and thought it would be good with the soup. Even at 216 calories a cup for the rice it still not a bad calorie count at 407 calories roughly.

I cooked 2 cups of brown rice which got me approximately 6 cups of cooked brown rice. I portioned it out this morning and put 4 in the freezer for use later with the soup or for breakfast...Which brings us to something interesting...I found the recipe for the Massa Brown Rice Bowl.  As I am a huge fan of

Asian/ Oriental flavors and food profiles...I was game.  There are mushrooms, shredded carrot, ginger, garlic, frozen peas, eggs and my *cough* additions, sarachi and bacon.  It was incredible!!!



I have to say that I have never had a breakfast/lunch item that was as satisfying as this was...I was comfortably full but not OMG stuffed...the eggs, while I overcooked them, had the silkiest texture that I have ever had in my life. I will drop the cooking time on the eggs by about 1/3 to 1/2 next time I make this. One of the big things...it was satisfying...it didn't leave me wanting...something. I will happily eat this many more times. I will be trying other veggies in it and while I did add bacon, not in the original, it was still just 582 calories according to my nutrition tracker at sparkpeople.com. To me, for an complete meal, I don't think that's too bad. Even on 1550 a day I still have around 800-900 calories for the day...AWESOME!!!

I have to admit that I did have one problem with the dish...Making the decision that I was worth cooking something for. So many times I have not cooked something just for me because I didn't feel like I deserved it. Today, I decided that I am worth cooking good, healthy food for. I think that is a lot of the problems that some people have with weight lose.  I know it is for me. The ongoing dialog in my head about "never enough, never good enough". To not feel like I deserve anything special or just for me. 

Today...I decided that I matter...I decided to, this one time, take care of me...hopefully more will follow.

Gotta go and try to make friends with the bow flex...*shudder*...TTFN



You know your fat when...and some knitting.

Let's start with the knitting for the folks out there that could care less about my weight issues.

For 2012 I plan on stash shopping again and I am going to complete UFO's.

Skinner Hat

Fireside Patchwork Afghan

UFO #1 Skinner Hat
It is done with Sundara Yarn I got several years ago in the color "Aurora Borialis". I worry that the color may be too dark to see the lace pattern, but we shall see after blocking. I only have 1 repeat of the pattern and decreases.




UFO #2 The Fireside Patchwork Afghan.
I actually started this in January 2009! I started this during a week long power outage due to an ice storm.  I also discovered that I can't knit if my hands are really cold...I have 3 of 20 blocks completed and got a good start on block 4. Hopefully I will have several finished objects for 2012.



You know your fat when...NONE OF THE SHOES AT ACADEMY WILL FIT!!!!!

We went to Academy to get me some shoes so I can get started walking. I must have tried on 30 pairs of shoes and I have feet that were I not the size I am, could buy shoes in the kids department, but they are so fat and wide that a D width wasn't wide enough. Talk about depressing. I know shopping for clothes is depressing, but shoes?! I mean really!!!

On the exercise front I did get on an elliptical for a bit yesterday, not long 5 or 10 minutes, but hey any exercise is better than none right? I'm still afraid of the bow flex. It's in my crafting room so I have to rearrange some things, but I will make friends with it before the week is out.

As far as food goes, I have done OK I think. I have cut way, way back on soda. I have been drinking coffee, black, in the mornings. If we go out, I have been getting a soda, but the size that comes with the meal at fast food, not up sizing. It may not sound like much, but for me, it's a plus. I usually order the largest size drink that the place had. So I think that it is a good thing.

We ate at Backyard Burger last night and they now have the option to get a side salad instead of fries and that is what I did. It's a really nice side salad too, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes and mushrooms with croutons on the side, I didn't use the croutons and only half of the raspberry vinaigrette that came with it. I also split a burger with my youngest, he was still hungry after the kids burger. I think that I did relatively well, but we will see Sunday morning.

I have been drinking water. I have one of those no sweat, acrylic glasses with a straw that keeps ice, so I really like that.

I am going to make soup today to have some good food choices in the freezer to make it a bit easier. I will do my best to take pictures of it when it's done and post it and the recipe tomorrow.

Gotta tend the dragons...TTFN