Contemplation

It's really funny to sit here typing...I have been thinking about posting for several days now...such a slacker.

I have hit almost month 4 of unemployment...it still sucks ass. My quiet little world has somewhat turned upside down with the addition of 3 people, a dog and two fish...that's ok though. I love the additions, I always wanted a big family.

I turn 40 this year...yes, I know...women hit 40 everyday...buy why is it really hard to have the "0" and "5" birthdays? I mean, am I the only one that contemplates what milestones these are? Surely not...I can't be...can I?!

I have been really, really tired lately. I can't really figure it out, I'm not doing anything to get tired...then it dawned one me...

I am so blue...I have started to notice the tell-tale signs that it's happening...not wanting to dress, not wanting to shower...yes it's gross...not wanting to leave the house and yet wanting to fly apart because I need to get out of the house...rushing around at 3 pm to dress because D will be home soon...it's scary and in the same time...comforting...

I have hit the point that at least I recognize these things are happening...so I can get a handle on it...

I have started setting daily goals for myself...this seems to help. I have cleaned and purged my room...I planted roses and peonies...little things, but accomplishments just the same.

The stress I feel is incredible. I don't think that D realizes just how stressed I am about not having a job...I know he is stressed.

I need to just breathe...

It's really funny to me...the bluer I get, the more complicated things that I try to find to do. I have a big project that I am going to be starting next week. I have hopes that the "Crazy Pond"...at least that is what my friends are calling it...will help me shake the blues...more on the project next week.

I will also be posting some things in my life that I am going to try and change in the next few days...things are changing around here...let's hope that I have it in me to complete the trip...