How can it be February?

February 4...really?! Where did January go? I know I slept in there somewhere...but February?

January was a long, long trying month. I finished the now doily. That was good...I lost my job. That was really, really bad...Got a clean bill of health from my ob-gyn...that was good...except for the fact that I now have to have a diagnostic mammogram...not so good. Found out I am going to be a Nana...both good and bad. Happy to have a grand baby...could have been better timing.

With the baby come...BABY KNITS!!!! This could be a good thing...R is thinking about becoming an RN...this can be a good thing...Not getting married just because she's pregnant...that is definitely a GOOD thing!

I am going stir crazy...I don't like to not work. I am not at my best when I am not working. I feel less than worth anything...dumb I know, but it's how my head works...I was home with R for 12 years and while I loved being at home with her...I really like to work. I love the sense of having somewhere to go in the mornings.

I have discovered that while some things drive me absolutely bat poop crazy...I love to knit lace...I REALLY love to knit lace...the more complicated the better.
                                                                                

This is the "Spanish Armada". I have decided to call it "Coming Home". The sole reason that I am knitting this piece, other than the need to knit lace, is for my daughter R to have an heirloom piece to make the birth of her first child.

I hope that she will wrap her wee babe in it to come home. That will be up to here. Use it, save it, throw it away...it's up to her.

Well, 2011 is proving so far to be an ass kicker of a
year. I am somewhat scared of what else the year
will bring...but you know what they say...God hates a coward.

I would like to use this year to kind of pull my head out of my ass and try to fix a few things. I would like to get my head straight...it that is at all possible. I would like to start repairing my credit. I would like to start some kind of savings. I would like to work on my health. I would like to work on being more of who I am...That of course means that I have to figure out "Who" I am.

It dawned on me the other day that for the first time in my life I don't have a parent that I have to placate or keep happy. That there is the potential for just...being.

I would really like to eat more local, sustainable, organic when affordable and available and whole. I realize that most people say that, but I feel far to old to be as young as I am. I need a change, and the change is inside me. Not scenery or anything like that.

I just really need to get things straight...gotta tend the dragons...TTFN